Thoughts, Moving On

I think too much, I really do. I'll think I'm smart, then I'll think I'm dumb. There's no in between. I can still be a negative thinker when it comes to myself at times. I know I have great qualities. I'm compassionate, funny, unique, quirky, easygoing, friendly, giving.. Everything a genuinely good person is and I'm not cocky for saying that because more than half of the time I'll ignore those qualities and just call myself things that make no sense. Things that do not represent me in any way. I'm weird, but I think it's in a pretty funny way. I'll make funny facial expressions if someone says something odd, make a joke that makes no sense, or laugh at something that makes no sense. And for some reason, I'll equate that to me being slow or dumb. Why? I'm none of those things. And I can't continue to let it affect me. Because that isn't me, and it won't be. I'm not one to give up, and I won't because I aim to love myself fully and completely despite the difficulties that arise and one of them being having negative intrusive thoughts. Also, I notice staying in the present moment works wonders for.. everything. Far too often we think about what will happen next, or about what just happened. We never really think about now, the moment we're in. It does wonders. It helps you become your authentic and genuine self. It helps prevent overthinking. It helps you live in the NOW. I swear reading books have helped so much, acquiring knowledge from them and applying it to my daily life has done miracles. Without reading books, I wouldn't have been where I am today. It still isn't exactly where I want to be but I can definitely say I'm getting there, a lot closer than where I was before. I was completely lost, clueless as to what to do with my mental health and then it struck me.. I can help myself. I couldn't sit around waiting for someone to help me anymore, something had to be done. The internet, multiple Youtube channels, blogs, books are all resources that have helped get me where I am today along with a few stable family members. It's a shame that sometimes we cant turn to family because they're going through their own hardships and don't know how to help others in the process. Sometimes those family members can be immediate, which makes it much harder. Parents are supposed to be our source for advice, support, and guidance. Unfortunately, even parents aren't perfect. Even parents can be lost, because they are in fact human. But when children are lost and go to these parents who are just as lost as them, the children become even more lost because they then have no one to turn to, or at least think they don't. I choose to lead an optimistic lifestyle because I want to. Fighting off all demons and getting closer than ever to God is my goal. Yes, I believe in God and I have faith in Him. And it's crazy because no matter how unstable everything is in your life, despite all of the complex, difficult factors that go along with it, God can make it all disappear in a prayer and immense faith. Calling out to Him was the best thing I ever did. Sometimes we lose faith because bad things happen in life and we'll ask God, "How could you let this happen?!" not knowing it is that situation that will help us grow and that is why He will make exactly that happen. It has so much to do with faith, so much. Turning to Him is a beautiful thing. He can work wonders, but you have to make it happen for yourself too. That's another thing. You can pray and pray for something to happen but if you aren't doing your part then it definitely won't happen. That's why many times we think God has failed us, but in reality it is US that have failed ourselves and God. That's enough of my rant. I had quite a bit to say. Whoever is reading this, if you want to take something out of this, just know you can change things for yourself. No matter how deep of a hole you think you're in, it's never too deep. You can always take yourself out of it if you want to, and you can start now. But it starts with your mindset and attitude.